By now, I'm sure you all have heard about Robin Williams and his suicide. I thought long and hard about writing about it. I wasn't sure if it was right. Respectful. But I couldn't stop thinking about it. Especially when I started hearing the negativity.
Depression and mental illness doesn't discriminate. It doesn't care if you're rich or poor. Your race, your religion. Your upbringing or your genetics. It doesn't care what you do for a living. It doesn't even care if you're an honest and good person.
I know not every understands that level of depression. The very most bottom of rock bottom. Or what it feels like to go even lower than that. People say it's selfish. People say it's dumb. Maybe people just don't understand.
Depression doesn't discriminate. But people do. People judge you by the clothes you wear. By the jobs you do. By the house you live in. And by your mental state.
I won't sit here and say that what Robin Williams did was ok. I can't condone suicide. But I can't say it was wrong either. Just sad. Sad that anyone could hurt that much. Could see no other way. And it's not just him I'm sad for. Not just the famous ones. I feel for the average person who struggles day by day.
Depression doesn't discriminate. And neither should we.
I ask of you to do this. Smile at a stranger. Compliment them, help them, be kind to them. You never know, maybe they are at rock bottom too and that simple smile shifts something. Maybe even saves a life.
If you are suffering from depression, please know you aren't alone. There's such a stigma around mental illness. But you are NOT alone. There's websites, forums, friends, family, therapists, and even me.
Yes me. I will listen. I won't judge. Because I've been there.
Robin Williams, may you finally find peace. And may the world grow more understanding of mental illness and depression so people can come out of hiding and say, "I need help," without fear. The help is there. And it doesn't discriminate either.
A lot of people don't "get it" with depression. As though because Robin Williams hid it behind a smile (which he did, apparently, even to his closest friends) it wasn't all that big of a deal.
ReplyDeleteI lost my friend recently to depression. I've hardly spoken about it to anybody. I spoke to her hours before she went through with it. Many of the other people who knew her, who spoke to her, who were friendly with her had NO IDEA she was even considering suicide.
She'd been resolved to carrying out the deed for FOUR MONTHS and yet kept it from everybody besides those who she chose to share the truth with. She was that good at hiding it.
The saddest part for me was the people she told, the people she shared that tiny bit of her pain with, who she reached out to...who didn't believe her, who figured she was "eccentric" or it was a "plea for attention" despite this being her second attempt this year.
Robin Williams seems to have been in a similar boat, if not the same. People can wax lyrical about how it's "selfish" for him to leave his family behind, but as with my...lost...friend, when a person with severe depression is alone in the dark their every thought is of their own suffering. Whether they want it to be or not. My friend feared hurting the people she loved and me by doing what she felt she needed to do, but in the end said that she couldn't continue to fight when she felt hollow inside.
I highly doubt Robin Williams died without a second thought for the people he loved or who loved him...but it's not so black and white where depression is concerned. It's easy to say "think of the people who love you" when you've never sat and spoken to a person who then tells you with tears in their eyes; "I'm so sorry...but it's not enough".
Robin Williams's story is a tragic one of a man who bent with the breeze as long as he could before he finally broke.
People have been showing recently, with Robin Williams, with my friend, probably even to you too, Kedralynn, that they think depression is just "being sad all the time" when the truth is that it's much more than that. Robin Williams is a prime example of how insidious severe depression is, but also how well sufferers can hide it.
My friend was another example, hiding her true self, crafting an illusion so convincing even many of her own friends couldn't see through it to see her screaming on the inside. I just hope now that more awareness will be raised and people will dispel this false idea that depression is something you just...decide...to stop feeling.
Sorry if I rambled. Where it concerns my friend I'm...still not over it yet.
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On an unrelated note I hope you're feeling better after your recent time in hospital. Personally I'd quite like to give some of them a slap for their incompetence, but that helps nobody. I hope you start to feel better soon.
I am so sorry to hear about your friend. I too have lost loved ones to suicide. I can't hold it against them. I know what that pain feels like and it's so hard to see an end to it...
DeleteIt's an upward struggle, trying to remind myself that she insisted that I not let her "departure" weigh me down. She died on the 5th July and it's only recently that I've begun to...I don't know. Let go? Properly accept that it's over and irreversible? I try to just focus on the good and blot out the bad since that way lies madness....
DeleteIt's been a difficult few months. Heh, a difficult year. My last post helped, I think, if only to get things a bit clearer in my own head.
Thank you for your response. I'm glad to see you back! If I say I've "followed you" it sounds so creepy to me, but I've kept up with you via DA for a good while and on here too so I was worried when you disappeared. I'm glad you're back.
You're completely right. I thought about this a lot, as well. Robin Williams committed suicide... this is not like with Heath Ledger, who I suppose knew beforehand that he was going to die any day, too. But while Mr. Ledger probably killed himself trying to go on, Robin Williams must have made a deliberate move - choose a day, buy a rope, cut it to length and all this...
ReplyDeleteBoth deaths took me by surprise. Robin Williams suicide shocked me more, though... maybe his facade was denser.
Anyhow, I feel I can relate to both approaches very well.
Don't get me wrong now. But this is a serious question: do you really mean it when you say that help is out there? Do you still firmly believe that this is true?
I know I must believe that I will improve some day, too. But I've grown so tired of trying to get better, I've become distrustful and weary of doctors... you see, I know that you are little bit older than me but you are a sister in suffering (meaning that you've got bipolar disorder as well, just like me)... and at the moment I would really love to hear how you manage to still see a light at the end of the tunnel?
If I am honest, I have days where there is no hope. Bipolar is not curable but can be managed. I still battle it every day. I have to take pills and see a therapist. I've gotten better at handling it thanks to those things. But it's always there. Depression too. And they say one you get depression, you're likely to get it again. I have found the greatest help is just talking about it. My best friend suffers from anxiety and we can talk for hours about it. I have to believe there is help and hope. Otherwise I wouldn't make it through the day.
ReplyDeleteHey you, are you alright? You haven't shown up in a long time and we're beginning to worry.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your concern. My health has been very bad. Both physically and mentally. The doctors can't find anything wrong. I honestly haven't opened my laptop in a long time. The thought tires me. But I feel this current rough patch may be over soon. I feel some strength returning so I will try to write an update soon.
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