I saw a new doctor yesterday. It's always hard seeing a new doctor because I never know if this one will take me seriously or not. Will this one be able to help? Will they find something the others didn't? Will they give me my meds?
I have mixed feelings on this doctor. He told me my condition doesn't sound all that debilitating. Really? Almost every single day I am pacing the house, in severe pain, trying not to throw up, crying and shaking. And that's not debilitating?!
But maybe he just doesn't have the whole picture. He's going to get all my medical files from my past doctors and we'll meet again. Then we'll figure out where to go from there. I'd like to see some more specialists and get more tests. I want answers!
He did mention one thing in passing though... Fibromyalgia. He said it in passing but didn't make an actual diagnosis. I'm sure he wants to check my medical history first.
I'll admit all I know about fibromyalgia is what I see on those tv commercials for medication. So I did some research. Apparently, fibromyalgia can cause depression, fatigue, IBS (irritable bowl syndrome), sensitivity to smells resulting in nausea, chronic fatigue, migraines, ect. Hmm, all symptoms I have. And it would explain a lot. But I don't want to jump to conclusions. I'll wait and see. I've been waiting 4 years as is. What's a few more weeks?
On the upside, he did refill my anti nausea meds, anti anxiety meds, bipolar meds, and pain meds. And he gave me plenty. So at least while I am waiting, I won't be quite as miserable. I'll still be miserable. But not as bad ;p
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
Friday, January 9, 2015
It's a little better
Overall, I have to say that I am doing better than I was 6 months ago. My physical health has stabilized and with it, the mental health has too.
I think it started with a juice cleanse. Well, I don't have a juicer so it was more like a smoothie cleanse. Just 3 days. But I noticed that I wasn't nauseous once the whole 3 days. I did experience some bad withdrawal symptoms tho! The no caffeine, no artificial sugar, no alcohol thing was rough. But I got through it. Even now, months later, I don't drink much alcohol and don't drink soda all day. I have one coffee here and there, but mostly tea instead.
Unfortunately, the nausea came back. And my all over body aches never left. But Christmas put me in a better mood and sort of re-energized me so I could face my daily physical symptoms. I really was feeling drained and burnt out. The panic attacks were unbearable. Since Christmas is my favorite holiday, I was waking up cheery even tho I was ill and in pain. In fact, I was facing the cold/flu from hell! But I didn't care, I had to decorate and bake and cook and manage to put a few gifts under the tree on a very tiny budget.
Now that the holidays are over, I wonder if I'll slip back into a dreary mood. I hope not. And I try not to think too much about it. I still have a fever on and off, and a bad cough with chest pain. I need to see a doctor but I switched doctors and he doesn't see new patients right away. I've been waiting a month already and now just have 2 weeks to go before my appointment. I've had a cold since Thanksgiving so what's another 2 weeks, right?
I also still have my panic attacks each time I go out to run errands. My old doctor stopping refilling my Xanax and anti nausea meds (which is why I changed doctors because his office didn't even call me to tell me why they stopped my meds). So I've been facing the regular panic attacks with the pills and the thought alone is enough to cause an attack. I used to at least feel safe in knowing that if I needed it, the pill was there. Not that I want to be dependent on the medication. But it sure was nice to have it as a security blanket.
Money is even tighter than it used to be. But we'll figure something out somehow. I have a bit more faith right now. I believe we'll muddle through and eventually these trials will pass.
I do have another health concern that has popped up. Swollen and numb hands and feet when I wake up. It's a little scary. But it could be nothing. We'll see!
I think it started with a juice cleanse. Well, I don't have a juicer so it was more like a smoothie cleanse. Just 3 days. But I noticed that I wasn't nauseous once the whole 3 days. I did experience some bad withdrawal symptoms tho! The no caffeine, no artificial sugar, no alcohol thing was rough. But I got through it. Even now, months later, I don't drink much alcohol and don't drink soda all day. I have one coffee here and there, but mostly tea instead.
Unfortunately, the nausea came back. And my all over body aches never left. But Christmas put me in a better mood and sort of re-energized me so I could face my daily physical symptoms. I really was feeling drained and burnt out. The panic attacks were unbearable. Since Christmas is my favorite holiday, I was waking up cheery even tho I was ill and in pain. In fact, I was facing the cold/flu from hell! But I didn't care, I had to decorate and bake and cook and manage to put a few gifts under the tree on a very tiny budget.
Now that the holidays are over, I wonder if I'll slip back into a dreary mood. I hope not. And I try not to think too much about it. I still have a fever on and off, and a bad cough with chest pain. I need to see a doctor but I switched doctors and he doesn't see new patients right away. I've been waiting a month already and now just have 2 weeks to go before my appointment. I've had a cold since Thanksgiving so what's another 2 weeks, right?
I also still have my panic attacks each time I go out to run errands. My old doctor stopping refilling my Xanax and anti nausea meds (which is why I changed doctors because his office didn't even call me to tell me why they stopped my meds). So I've been facing the regular panic attacks with the pills and the thought alone is enough to cause an attack. I used to at least feel safe in knowing that if I needed it, the pill was there. Not that I want to be dependent on the medication. But it sure was nice to have it as a security blanket.
Money is even tighter than it used to be. But we'll figure something out somehow. I have a bit more faith right now. I believe we'll muddle through and eventually these trials will pass.
I do have another health concern that has popped up. Swollen and numb hands and feet when I wake up. It's a little scary. But it could be nothing. We'll see!
Friday, January 2, 2015
A New Year
(Written on new year's eve, just an hour before midnight)
It's New Year's Eve again. This day has been so many things for me. As a child, I was eager to stay up late and sleep on the couch bed with my mom and sip apple cider.
Then it became a night where I cried my eyes out. I saw no hope in each new year. I just wanted it to end.
Then I partied my heart out to forget the pain. Drank, did drugs, and dealt as many lost people do.
And now, I'm happy to just be. To be here on the cusp of a new year. Happy to reflect on my growth. In many ways, it's just one more day. The animals still need to be cared for, chores still need to be done, bills still need to be paid, and my body still battles with illness. But hey, at least I get to have one more day and one more year under my belt.
Be safe out there! And have a Happy New Year!
It's New Year's Eve again. This day has been so many things for me. As a child, I was eager to stay up late and sleep on the couch bed with my mom and sip apple cider.
Then it became a night where I cried my eyes out. I saw no hope in each new year. I just wanted it to end.
Then I partied my heart out to forget the pain. Drank, did drugs, and dealt as many lost people do.
And now, I'm happy to just be. To be here on the cusp of a new year. Happy to reflect on my growth. In many ways, it's just one more day. The animals still need to be cared for, chores still need to be done, bills still need to be paid, and my body still battles with illness. But hey, at least I get to have one more day and one more year under my belt.
Be safe out there! And have a Happy New Year!
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