I don't know why I didn't write about this before. I was busy I guess. And waiting to see what happened.
Almost 2 weeks ago, I saw my dr and he diagnosed me with fibromyalgia. It's something that you can't really test for. More like, after other things have been eliminated, they decided it could be fibro and we try some medication to see what happens.
Fibro can be responsible for my constant body aches, exaggerated pain response, chronic fatigue, migraines, sensitivity to light, sounds and smells, stomach issues (possibly even the constant nausea) and even depression.
In the beginning, the medication made me so sleepy and loopy. My head felt like it was disconnected from my body! But after a few days, that decreased. My energy levels went up. But so have the mood swings and weight gain! I've been warned these could be side effects. But I was of course hoping it wouldn't happen. I already struggle with my weight. The physical pain has been less.
Now on the second week of these pills, I think my body has adjusted more and the high energy I felt just a couple days ago is gone. I'm tired and achy. We may need to increase the dose (I'm currently on the lowest possible dose) but I worry about the weight gain and mood swings. I'm already bipolar, we don't need me getting even moodier!
It's been a tough diagnosis for a few reasons.
1 - Irvin is mad it's not something curable. It's treatable, but will be a life long thing with flare ups and set backs. He wanted me to get better now!
2 - My dr told me that I won't get disability for having fibro. I can't find a job that will work around my random days or hours or minutes of being well and then sick and then well again. But they won't give me benefits. I am angered that drug addicts and over obese get money from the government, but I can't.
3 - If this medicine works, I'll be really angry that I've spent the past 4 years miserable. Because another dr should've thought of this diagnosis at some point.
I don't see the dr again for a couple more weeks. To give me some more time to get used to the medication and see how I feel overall. Then we'll revisit the diagnosis and treatment plans.
I'll keep you updated as best I can :)
Friday, March 20, 2015
Friday, March 6, 2015
Painting
I've started painting. It's something I've always kind of wanted to do. But fear held me back. The same old anxieties. I figured I'll suck at it.
Sadly, it took the death of my good friend Monty Oum for me to take the plunge and paint. It was a little thought that first popped into my head about a week after his passing. Soon the thought grew, and it became almost a need to paint. My fingers twitched with the longing. I couldn't sleep at night as I "painted" in my head.
Finally, with the aid of money from my very supportive man, I found a great price on a start up painters kit and ordered it. Yay Amazon.com! It came with a small easel, paints, a ton of brushes, and some canvases.
I'll admit that I have NO clue what I'm doing when it comes to painting. I'm learning and experimenting and trying to find my style. I also want to become good enough to sell my work. To pay my fiance back for the money he's managed to scrounge up for my art supplies. He knows I need to do this. So he sacrifices for me.
I also want to get good enough to paint an interpretation of an image that Monty made for me. A personal image that I hold dear to my heart. The meaning behind the image and his thoughtfulness still brings tears to my eyes. For me, creating, as he pushed us all to do, is my tribute to him. My way to honor him. And it calms me!
Monty, I'm sorry it took you passing to get me to paint. I can you in my head saying "Life is short, if you want to paint, fucking paint man!" So I do. I miss you. But I will make beautiful things out of this.
Speaking of Monty, I'm having a hard time mourning. I have no closure. I don't know what happened and how it happened. As close as we were, I was not close with his family that remains. So I get nada. And no closure makes it hard to let go. But I'll have to. I'll paint it out of my system.
In other news, I see a new doctor on Monday. We will hopefully get a confirmation on my diagnosis of fibromyalgia and start looking into treatment. Fingers crossed. Sometimes, I can't paint because of the pain and my easel is so small that I must hunch over it on the floor. Not good for someone in constant pain. I'll let you all know how it goes.
Here's a few of my paintings so far. Keep in mind, I've only been doing this about 2 weeks now and still learning!
Sadly, it took the death of my good friend Monty Oum for me to take the plunge and paint. It was a little thought that first popped into my head about a week after his passing. Soon the thought grew, and it became almost a need to paint. My fingers twitched with the longing. I couldn't sleep at night as I "painted" in my head.
Finally, with the aid of money from my very supportive man, I found a great price on a start up painters kit and ordered it. Yay Amazon.com! It came with a small easel, paints, a ton of brushes, and some canvases.
I'll admit that I have NO clue what I'm doing when it comes to painting. I'm learning and experimenting and trying to find my style. I also want to become good enough to sell my work. To pay my fiance back for the money he's managed to scrounge up for my art supplies. He knows I need to do this. So he sacrifices for me.
I also want to get good enough to paint an interpretation of an image that Monty made for me. A personal image that I hold dear to my heart. The meaning behind the image and his thoughtfulness still brings tears to my eyes. For me, creating, as he pushed us all to do, is my tribute to him. My way to honor him. And it calms me!
Monty, I'm sorry it took you passing to get me to paint. I can you in my head saying "Life is short, if you want to paint, fucking paint man!" So I do. I miss you. But I will make beautiful things out of this.
Speaking of Monty, I'm having a hard time mourning. I have no closure. I don't know what happened and how it happened. As close as we were, I was not close with his family that remains. So I get nada. And no closure makes it hard to let go. But I'll have to. I'll paint it out of my system.
In other news, I see a new doctor on Monday. We will hopefully get a confirmation on my diagnosis of fibromyalgia and start looking into treatment. Fingers crossed. Sometimes, I can't paint because of the pain and my easel is so small that I must hunch over it on the floor. Not good for someone in constant pain. I'll let you all know how it goes.
Here's a few of my paintings so far. Keep in mind, I've only been doing this about 2 weeks now and still learning!
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