I am not a whole person tonight. Tonight, I am the remains of a person. The shell left after the will to fight has taken off. I am the same broken girl I was all those years ago when I first cut myself. I have fallen to my knees so many times, I lost count. Broken for years and years. Shattered heart and heavy limbs. I don't want to stand up again. I'm begging for a hand to reach out. But the only hand I have is rejecting me. Maybe because I've rejected myself. I hate what I am. I hate what I have. I hate how the bipolar disorder defines me. Hate how it breaks me. Hate how it enrages me.


"I've never been the praying kind
But lately I've been down upon my knees
Not looking for a miracle
Just a reason to believe."

Savage Garden - Hold Me