Not much new

I haven't written here in a while. And honestly because there isn't much new to report. Just the usual random panic attacks. Some worse than others. Some at home, some out at a store.

My medications have me sleeping 12-16 hours a day. I did the math. That means that some days I'm awake for as long as most people sleep. I often get up late. Usually around noon these days. Run a few errands and then nap through the rest of the day. I wake up in time to make dinner and watch some tv. And then it's back to sleep.

Even though I am sleeping a lot, I feel it's not quality sleep. It's often interrupted. I wake up a lot. Have trouble falling back asleep. I also don't seem to dream. I mean maybe I am. But since the sleep is so drug induced, I don't remember anything but blackness.

I'm seeing my therapist today. For the first time in about 6 years. I had to stop seeing her when I lost my health insurance. And even though I still don't have insurance, I feel I need to see her. She's waving the fee for my first visit considering that it'll be mainly playing catch up on my life. I was up most the night wondering how I can cram the past 6 years into a 55 minute session. I tried to sort out just the highlights. I figure I can go into details another time. Because even though the past 6 years in important to how I'm feeling, it's not the main issue. The main issue is the PTSD, the emetophobia and the panic attacks. I want to tackle those with her most.

I want to add that I love my therapist. I know it's her job not to judge. But I loved being able to tell her anything. She was the first person I talked to who knew anything about emetophobia. So I felt safe sharing it with her. I don't know if we'll even get to that today. But we'll see.

Wish me luck.