And there it is again. The sickness that has me reaching for the bottle. The nausea. The panic attack that slams with the first sickening wave. The body aches are easy enough to ignore. It's that damn nausea that throws my world into chaos. All because of a strange phobia that I can't trace or understand. My medications take the edge off. But it's no cure. And my free healthcare won't cover anything stronger. Plus, no one wants to give me anything stronger anyway. I don't work and I'm on free health care so they all assume that I must be some druggie or dead beat who just wants to get high off my pills. Oh if only that were the case. I don't drink for fun anymore. I drink to numb. To sleep. To escape. And I feel so weak for it. But there it is. This is how I cope.

And no, I'm not spending my money on alcohol. We have a stash that's been around for a long time from when we used to throw parties.

Money can be sent to my paypal. kedralynn.amber@gmail.com