First, I apologize for my absence. It's been so long since I've been on here. So long, that I worry I've lost my words. My ability to even say anymore how I feel.
It's the same old thing. I'm still chronically ill. And the doctors are still stumped. I've turned into a human lab rat. All dignity and pride has been taken away. My anxiety is at an all time high.
I can't even grocery shop with my mom now. Well, I can... But it often takes a few tries. I have to run from the store and to the safety of her car. I also cling to her arm for dear life out of fear of blacking out.
And I need your help, dear fans. The government has turned their backs on me so many times. I don't get disability. No welfare. No social security. No money aid at all. I get free health care. But its so limited, that it's almost a joke.
I need food. I need money for rent. I need cable or at least internet to keep me from losing my mind. I need summer clothes so I'm not out in triple digit weather in either sweats or pjs.
I'm asking for donations. Even just a dollar. I hate to do that. I hate to beg or turn into a panhandler. I'd like to think I could support myself. But how can I, when I can't even leave my own home anymore? My man lost his business. He works, but it's a huge pay cut and we're not even living paycheck to paycheck. It's more like, "hey what can we sell so we can get through the rest of the week?" Mortgage won't even get paid this month.
Ugh I hate this. It causes even more anxiety. Even depression. I sleep a lot now. Not much else to do.
I self medicate to the point of which I hate myself. I deal with the worst of my illness alone. Day/night, doesn't matter. I use alcohol so I don't feel the nausea. Don't feel the aches in every bone of my body. Don't feel what a worthless waste of space I have become.
Money can be sent to my paypal. kedralynn.amber@gmail.com
Thank you in advance. And even if you can't send anything, thanks for reading and for supporting me.
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